Real Life Post #2

Yes yes, I know it's been a long time. Yes yes, I know it's been atleast 3 days since I've been on FFXI... I have a life you know. Anyway, here I go...

As some of you know, I'm a fair person. I said fair NOT nice. There's a difference. "Nice" ppl with be kind to you, even when they don't like you. "Fair" ppl with be kind to you... until you become a R-Tard. I haven't been on FFXI lately because I'm in a dilemma... actually I have been in a dilemma for a long time now... and cuz I have FFXII but that's not the only reason.

***Venting Warning*** You are about to read me vent a few things. You probably won't understand it but here it is. If you don't like ppl venting then don't bother reading anymore.

When I was little, I was a very kind and naive person. How could I become the person I am now compared to how I use to be? Simple. To spare the details, I had a few things happen to me when I was little. The kinda things that traumatized you. Needless to say, I became a total A-Hole and became an almost endless tank of rage. I lost a lot of my memories and became a totally different person. When something like that happens, the pre-existing fragment (not a full personality but a critical piece of it) becomes locked away in the person's mind.

In my case, the locked away fragment was in a suspended state. A few years ago, when I was with my ex, she left me. To most ppl, this can be hard but not generally devastating. You gotta take into account that she was the first person I genuinely trusted. When she left, I became suicidal, thankfully my mom instilled in me a strong sense of honor and I didn't do anything even though I wanted to.

When it happened, I was sad, distraught, angry, heart broken, and most of all... sorry. I wasn't sorry that we broke up or that we weren't together... I was sorry that I hurt her to the point that she left. We always says "If I could go back in time I'd..." but you can't. I know I'll probably never see her again, I know that she probably doesn't want to see me again, but I still love her. A few days later, it happened, a day that I will never forget. You always hear about ppl having a nervous breakdown but until it happens to you, you can't understand it.

It was like the flood gates opened and all the pain that I had locked away with the "Fragment" were released. What's more, I became "whole" again. The hard part is that there is a part of me that matured too quickly, resulting in me seeming and feeling older than I really am. There is also a part of me that didn't age, the "fragment", that results in me seeming and feeling younger. It's a perplexing dilemma that constantly bothers me. I feel as though I'm both in my teens and also in my 30's.

Some of you will say "Oh that's normal" but it isn't, something that's normal doesn't cause your body to feel as though your slowly dying and breaking down. Slowly but surely, I'm becoming the person I need to be. I haven't been in contact with much of my friends because I'm trying to sort out a few things that resulted from this. I will be back soon, but I don't know when.

The one thing I'm sure of, is that I have brought pain and hatred into many ppls hearts. Everyday I strive to pay for the damage I have done. I'm sorry. If I'm lucky, one day I'll be given the chance to do something that I've always wanted to do. I know it sounds strage, but after all the pain that I have caused ppl, all I want to do is sacrifice myself to save them. If my life can save even one person I've wronged, given the chance, I'll throw it all away and disappear into the darkness.

The day that the kitty died.

Ok so the cat didn't die. But I left KittysMeow all the same. Good Bye everyone that I still trust in there. Burn in hell to all those I don't. May your many backstabbings come back around to you.

Real Life Post #1

This post will be about the Real World. (I know, I thought it was a fable also).

One thing you need to realize when you go into a grocery store, is that YOUR oponion really doesn't mater. No, please don't say a word, it DOES NOT matter. We tell you that we are here to help you...but we're not.

We are here to laugh as you realize that your daughter painted your nails when you were asleep...and your a guy...and they are all different shades of pink. We are here to laugh as you drop the VERY LAST watermelon in your cart and it explodes and gushes all over your cart. Most of all, we are here to be a general disturbance to your otherwise natual lives. We find great pleasure in making all this easy into teadious and annoying tasks. ^.^ Have fun Shoping!

Sadness ; ;

Sad news today, two of my favorite ppl on FFXI are quitting. /cry I will miss you Cobrilota and Protege. ; ;

Set Parties.....<3

I love set parties. They are so much fun. Sick of noobs? Get a set party. Sick of pricks? Get a set party. The best thing of all about set parties is when everyone gets to the point that they know what the others are gonna do before they do it. I call this the "Anti-Noobism" part of a set party. It's what seperates a set party from one of those random invites.

Noobs...must die!

Of all the things that I have encountered in FFXI, there are two things that piss me off the most. The first is people stabbing me in the back. If you do this then expect all the forces of hell to drag you into Temple of Uggalepih! The second is running your mouth about a job you don't play.

Today I was in a party that was going EXTREMELY well when the mages lost connectivity. One party member decided: Hey! Lets tell the BLU how to do his job! Now if you have ANY sense in your brain, you'd know that doing this will totally piss the person off. Unfortunately I was the BLU.

Noob: "Use Healing Breeze!"
Vatar: "....have you even leveled BLU?"
Noob: "Um...no."
Vatar: "STFU then!"

This is about the time that if I was a GM, they would be warped to Temple of Uggalepin... unfortunately, I'm not. Please, if you have the urge to tell someone how to do their job, go level the job first...or take a leasurely walk through Temple of Uggalepin without Sneak or Invisible.

Level 30 BLU...finally

As some of you know, I have very little patence for stupid. It's not the fact that ppl ARE stupid, it's what they DO WHEN their stupid. Take, for example, my leveling BLU last night. In most cases, I don't put up with much stupid. After playing for 2 years, my immunity to stupid hasn't gone up at all...must be a glitch...

Last night was an exception. I was leveling BLU, which I rarely have time to do lately, and was in a party with almost all noobs. The tank: WAR/MNK using a Scythe...think about that. Scythe...for tanking...he had a sword and shield. He equipped it for a whole 30 seconds.

Now, ok, I'm a nice...ish guy. I'll give him a break, I want my level. If that was the only problem, I'da let it slide easily. Being lvl 29 WAR/MNK and using a Scythe AND wearing Chainmail Set... furry is rising. Ok, let's just ignore the little fact that he could be wearing MUCH better gear. The ringer was that he used Provoke about once ever 5 mins. 5 mins.....5 MINS!? The timer on that is 30 seconds! That means it took him 10 times as long to use his macro. If that doesn't scream stupid then I'm not a Manthra.

Destroying Fate

How I've longed for this day....spending months trying to get to this mission....did I mention I play FFXI? I've been playing for 2 years and have gotten to Rank 6 in Bastok then was stupid enough to change to Windurst. Windurst....*shudders* that's a place that should be taken over by beastmen. It's just asking to be invaded. Anyway, I got all the way to Rank 5 then realized why I hated 5-1.....Capped Undead Fight. God I hate Capped fights. We finally beat it and started 5-2.
Got to Castle Zvahl Keep and our WAR/NIN had to leave. *feels blood rushing to head* Ok, he's gotta go to work. That's understandable...I will not let the chance pass me by! I convinced the party to continue towards the Shadowlord. It's really kinda funny....the mobs getting to the Shadowlord posed a bigger threat than the Shadowlord himself. We beat Shadowlord and watched the CS (for the second time for me).
The reason I wanted this idiotic mission finished is so people would stop asking how I'm on Zilart Mission 14 with a Nation Rank of 5. Why is the idea of a person having beated Rank 6 or higher in another nation a foreign concept to everyone? Either way, we beat that pushover and got on with it.
I was reading [GM]Dave's Blog and decided to create one myself. Guess you could say I "converted to Davism".